“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together”Someone wise!
We all want to fall in love. We all crave that touch of special someone when we are sad or feeling just lonely. Some people are lucky. They find their ‘soulmate’ and live ‘happily ever after’.
But not everybody is so lucky. To be quite honest, most people are not. They get into relationships and often go through one or sometimes even multiple breakups.
This can cause wrecking havoc in two people’s lives
But since it’s inevitable, then why not be flexible and break up in style?
WHEN TO BREAKUP?
- When you catch him/her/they cheating on you with another person
- When your partner is being emotionally distant such as not listening to your problems.
- When YOU are reluctant to listen to your partner because you just don’t feel the connection anymore.
- When your partner is physically, mentally or sexually abusive.
In short, you both will understand when things are off. Respect is the building block of every relationship. If there is a crack in that then things are going downhill.
Besides, no offence Riri, but we don’t love the way our partner lies!
DO’S OF BREAKUP
Take Your Time
Girl, just breath and take your time.
Breakups are not easy and you are not superhuman. It takes a tremendous emotional toll on both individuals who had once been so close. What you feel after a breakup is pure grief. The same feeling when someone close to you passes away.
Grief has five stages and they do not arrive simultaneously. Rather they overlap with your emotions. You might feel a sudden feeling of strength and acceptance after breaking up with your lover but after that despair would follow. With despair, there will come anger and you will burn yourself and your loved ones in it. Somewhere in the middle bargaining will seek in and you will have second thoughts if your relationship with that person is over. Eventually, depression will set in.
It may sound grim but these are the side effects of break up.
So take your time because these are not going to last. Feel every negative emotion and there is no shame in crying.
Log Out Of Social Media
Social media is all bubbly and fun when you are happy but it is always half of the truth. When You are seeing other people getting engaged, married or having kids then it will affect your psyche. You will feel like you are the most miserable person who is lonely and have no future.
Therefore log out of Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram as fast as possible. Otherwise, the vicious cycle of grief will restore itself.
See a Therapist
If you have been through a really bad breakup and cannot manage your sanity by yourself then you must seek professional help. Here is what a therapist will do, he or she will provide you with a confidential and safe environment where you can confess your true feelings regarding the break-up. They are non-judgemental of your actions even if you feel guilty. Over the top, they will provide you with solutions to cope with the stress.
Going to a therapist might make you feel stigmatized at first but in the long run, you will understand that was the most sensible thing to do.
Gang Up With Your Girlfriends
When you are in pain, your girlfriends or besties are usually there to get you through the hardships.
Pour your heart out to them. Talk about why you broke up. Discuss if you will ever find someone that hot. Was the person kind and caring? You will come up with your solutions and answers as you answer their queries. That might make your heavy heart a bit peaceful.
Eat junk foods with them. You can watch a movie; Avoid rom coms as they have ruined our expectations of a partner. Have that 30-second dance party Like Meredith and Christina from Grey’s Anatomy. Your true friends will make you realize life is worth living.
Do The Things You’ve Always Wanted To Do But Never Did
Now, this is something that depends on your interest and accessibility of that particular activity in your area.
I would say, get out of your comfort zone. If you have a bike and your city is safe enough to travel on a bike then roam around. Take pictures with your mobile phone because you don’t need a fancy camera for that. Go on hiking. Be in touch with Nature because it has healing powers. Pick up a new hobby such as gardening. Learn to play a new musical instrument. You can consider having a pet so that you can channel your raging emotions with them in a positive way.
Being engaged in structured activities will keep your mind off from bad thoughts.
Last but not least, get a “Break-up makeover”. Many people will go against it but if you go to the salon and chop off some of your hair and dye it, you will feel like your previous self died with it.
DONT’S OF BREAKUP
Do Not Stalk Your Ex
Now that your breakup has sunk in your psyche, do not log into social media hurriedly. If you do that, you will find what your ex’s friends are doing and eventually what your ex is doing. You might see him in a photo and emotions will rush in and you will unblock him just to see what he has been doing since the breakup. This is cyberstalking.
Pro tip: Don’t stalk your ex in real life or there’s a chance you might get a restraining order.
Don’t Abuse Alcohol Or Drugs
Cyberstalking is one thing, but if you depend upon alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of separation then my friend you have to stop.
Alcohol and recreational drugs are natural depressants. They might make you feel like a god for a while but the aftermath is grim. The minimal effect is a very bad hangover and maximum could cause hospitalization due to life-threatening situations.
Don’t Do Rebound Dating
After a heartbreak, your emotional needs become very high. And that need often a parent or close friend cannot suffice. You feel the itch to ‘be’ with someone who will give your serotonin a real boost. So you go to Tinder and start dating and often end up in one night stands. Then the next morning you do the walk of shame and realize it was not the person you wanted to be with.
It is devastating for both you and the person you are rebounding upon.
Vital Question: What If You See/Meet Your Ex In Public?
Ans: This depends on the gravity of your break-up.
If it was mutual and short-lived, then you can throw a ‘hey’ at them or just ignore them.
If it was very painful or even abusive, then at any cost leave the place.
If they approach you or try to talk about how much they miss you and even thinking of patching it up, then think twice. Don’t take any hurried decision based solely on emotions.
Do not bad mouth or curse them in public; It will only create a scene and life is not a cinema.
Don’t even try to engage in sexual activities with your ex because a study says it produces oxytocin hormone in the female body that is capable of ruining the post-breakup peace and acceptance that had started to sink in.
So these are the ways to break-up in style. Conscious, Flexible and Insightful.
Love is an inevitable part of life and so is a loss. You must not be rigid because everyone dreams of perfect love, but when you get into a relationship you realize your love farts while sleeping! And you might not like it but accept them anyway.
But when issues get more serious than just a fart thing start to fall apart.
When a relationship breaks, your self-esteem breaks too. Therefore you need to be in recovery, to feel whole again. You need help to feel the emptiness inside so lean onto your support system. Don’t isolate yourself. Love yourself. Speak for yourself.
“Because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with”