I don’t know whether my decision which I made on that day is going to be a wise choice for both of us or not but I said, I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU JUST BECAUSE FOR THIS CASTE SYSTEM. AND I AM GOING TO KEEP MY PROMISE NO MATTER WHAT.VIVI – By your side!
As adolescents, receiving so much hatred and negativity for inter-caste marriages, but still heading on the same route, trying to bring some concrete differences in the society, is not a comfortable task to do.
Most Indian families still prefer marriages arranged in their religion or caste. Marriages outside their religion or caste still tend to be taboo and can also lead to drastic consequences.
I am balled up, why so??
Couples who do inter-caste marriages are seen as none-native.
They are treated as culprits
He is Dalit (also known as untouchable). His caste has the lowest ranking on the society caste board.
I am Chaudhary, which comes somewhere in the good ranking on the society caste board according to the Indian culture.
We don’t know whether we are going to make it or not!!
Over the past 3 years, we both have come a crossed so many people, and their different judgments associated with caste marriages terrified us a lot.
The love rain started showering on us in 2013. He was in 9th class and I was his senior in school. It all started just with one message. I and my siblings use to share the same phone. Our friends used to have our common calling number. My boyfriend was a good friend of my brother, as we all were used to advice in the same coaching. Lamentably, we all were also in the same school, but we both never crossed our paths at school. All things kicked off on the very first day of my coaching.
Like everyone else, he also texted a greeting message to my brother on New Year’s Eve. That common phone issue forced me to reply to that message. Like another prodigy, he figured out that who replied to his texts. That clown started texting me every single day, messages full of comical content and kept waiting for that one split second where he can start the conversation. Like we all say “Karma may take its time but it is inevitable”, we both started talking for hours and longer. It’s very uncertain and very uncommon nowadays, falling for someone who was an average-looking person, whose thoughts fall apart from mine. One thing which made me fall for him was the purity of the heart, that innocent touch in his talks, and especially that loyal feeling, which is very rare to find in a partner nowadays.
22nd January 2014, was the date when we both got our companion.
And the foremost story begins from here.
They are not going to stay for too long. The girl going to betray the boy by leaving him. Look at that boy he is so average looking guy, he doesn’t deserve her. Their relationship won’t work for long, said the people around us.
After being committed many things took place to separate us. I got many proposals. Some of them also proposed I leave him.
On other hand, he got many threatening warnings from roadside Romeos.
There was one incident where he got into a fight with my schoolfellows. The matter reached our teachers, I was grateful to God that I had a good image in front of the teachers, parents were not involved in it, they all were released by getting a warning from teachers.
But wait, the matter did not end here, on the same day my mother got a call from an unknown number, who told her about my relationship. When things came to my knowledge, I tried to convince my Mom and made her believe me.
Time passes, we completed 1 year of our relationship. And with this new drama was waiting for us to arrive. The truth which gonna takes our relationship to another hype.
That day was also like one of my common days. My brother approached me and asked a very unusual or uncommon question.
Hey, do you know the caste of your boyfriend?
Like other common teenagers, it also left me without a clue, where is this question came from?
Yes, we belong to the same caste, I simply responded. Before that, the word CASTE never came into my mind and I never gave impotence to it.
You both belong to different castes, he belongs to SC/ST, my brother responded.
Why he lied to me? I was so startled, not because I came across that he was not of my caste but I came to know this thing from someone else, which made me alarmed.
I don’t want to lose you because of my caste, was his turn of phrase, which he told me when I asked him the reason for keeping this secret from me.
At that time I realized the feeling of true love and the fear of losing it.
I don’t know whether my decision which I made on that day is going to be a wise choice for both of us or not but I said, I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU JUST BECAUSE FOR THIS CASTE SYSTEM. AND I AM GOING TO KEEP MY PROMISE NO MATTER WHAT.
And from that day and today is the day, we have completed 8 years of our relationship. We faced every small or big situation together, without leaving one of us back. We kept clung to each other for support.
At first, we thought that it will be easy for us to make it possible because our parents taught us that who important equality is nowadays. They only taught us how to respect everyone irrespective of their age, caste, religion, color, profession. Even our teachers taught us, “ KOI DHARAM, KOI JAAT BADI CHOTI NAHI HOTI HAI”. I still remember these words and you can hear this from everyone around you.
But as we kept growing and assuming the thoughts of the people in our society, I realized that” WHAT WE STUDIED FROM THE BOOKS ARE LIMITED TILL THE BOOKS”. I realized that real life has many real lies. There is no connection between the knowledge that we gain from our teachers and parents in real life. The society in which we are living has its thoughts and thinking to follow from generation to generation.
Why so?? It’s a big question to be answered
Why do parents send their children to study in expensive schools or colleges? And made them learn new things so that they can do everything which they haven’t done because of some reasons if at the end they have to ask them to forget what they were taught there and to follow those same old rituals and thinking of our society.
4 years before, incidentally, my mom came crossed some of my pictures with my boyfriend. As in every middle-class family, a very dramatic scene was created in my family too. My mom cried and both of my parents were angry with me.
After a lot of arguments, one thing my mom said to me was, “ suppose if we agreed to your marriage with your boyfriend, what are the possibilities when are your friends going to know about it, are they going to accept you? Are they going to visit your house??
At that age, I was muddled, because before that I was never given such a deep thought related to caste. I simply replied, Firstly, we both are not willing to get married so soon. We need to first concentrate on our careers. Secondly, the day when everyone going to come across our relationship if their heart is full of acceptance, they going to accept us and going to understand us. And for those whose hearts never accepted any change, then even my 100 reasons won’t be enough to change the thinking of those people. So why I should sacrifice my happiness for those who never understood me.
There were many times when we also tried to sacrifice our love for sake of our parent’s love and happiness. We didn’t talk to each other for days and weeks and even months but to some extent, we can’t control our love for each other and we came back again with full acceptance of the situation which we are going to face in the future.
In the end, teenagers who are reading this, never keep this thought in your mind that parents are wrong.
No, parents are never wrong especially in terms of their children. They always wanted the best out of the best for their children, because they don’t want the hardships which they faced in their life you should ever face.
Because there is a generation gap which makes many things uncommon between our parents and us, but this doesn’t make them wrong.
Sometimes, we just need to convince them, make them believe that sometimes accepting changes are not bad.
“BELIEVE” is the only word that is giving me the strength to fight all negativity in our society. And I believe that one day we both are going to make it. “DATTEBASA”VIVI – By your side!